You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
