Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
