porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
