i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
