oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You can't special order awesome
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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