Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
