just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
