ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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