I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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