Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
