Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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