exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
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I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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