it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
