Where did you get a picture of my penis
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
