Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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