I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Im part way to drunk.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
