so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Randomize
