I think I died a long time ago.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
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I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
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I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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