He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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