i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
