Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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