So drunk its hurt
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
