i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
