Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
