WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
