Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Houston, we have a blender
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize