when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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