I'm laying in your front yard are you home
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
