you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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