Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
There are leaves in my underwear?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
