Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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