i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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