Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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