First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
