dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
