I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Dignity is for republicans.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
