I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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