She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
