I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
