just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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