final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
