Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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