My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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