i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
