I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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