ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
