It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
