This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
