I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
