remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
