I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
