A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
