So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
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he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
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How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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