So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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