Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
