Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Omg I joined a choir last night...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
