You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
