I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
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pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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