Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
