just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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