He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
