it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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