one word: firstdatebathroomanal
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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