we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
