I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
