i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
