Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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