you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
