Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
