i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
