whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
