you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
