I seem to have left my pride at pride
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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