the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Well I just put wine in my tea
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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